Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. (from http://www.humanpotentialunlimited.com)
This one agreement has freed me in so many ways. Asking for clarity makes other people accountable for what they say to you and how you respond makes you responsible for the tasks you choose to take on or not. This was the easiest of the 4 Agreements for me to adapt and now I feel like am mastering it. I am no longer caught in the, “I think they meant,” game. I do not worry about how someone is affected by things, “I’m just trying to understand xyz’s point of view.”
If you don’t know, then ask. So many times I have been the victim of someone trying to figure out what I meant by a statement or some action I did. Those people held on to an assumption that was not true, they treated me differently, I felt it and when I finally approached them, they realized that it was their perception and not what I meant at all. Whole days, months and in one case a whole year/s went by, when all they had to do is ask, “So what did you mean by that?”, or “why did you say or do that?”
Often people hold on to their own assumptions, because they already know the answer to asking for clarity. The truth, (we hope). And guess what you have to do with the truth? Own it, be responsible for it or accountable to what is being told. If you are a person who “CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH,” Agreement #3 is going to be hard for you and you will continue to hold on to assumptions that ultimately cause worry or insecurity. “This person doesn’t like me because_____, I didn’t get the promotion because_______, That person is always doing________________ to me_________________because.”
This one Agreement freed me from all of that. I actually had someone say, “I just don’t like you”. I had to dig deep and pull on Agreement #2 – Don’t Take Anything Personal, but I used Agreement #1 Be Impeccable With Your Words and I said, “Ok, now I know, thank you.” Why didn’t matter to me. All I wanted to know was what I was feeling was the truth and it turned out that it was. She was ready for a verbal fight, as she began to explain. I simply cut her off and said, “No need, I just wanted to know,” I left her standing there and walked away. I just wanted clarity and I had it and I was able to move on.
Now as a person who pretty much likes everyone, it was a struggle in me to not continue to take it personal that she didn’t like me, but I had done enough work on #2 which is by far the hardest for me. Now, when I see this person, I’m ok that it’s ok that she just doesn’t like me. At the end of the day, inhale…I sought answers…exhale… for clarity.
Thank you for taking the time to articulate your thoughts and spell it out with examples. I too embrace the agreements. (In fact I have been studying Toltec history and philosophy for the past couple of years.) Keep the wisdom flowing!